In my 10 years of coaching and over 15 years of experience working in the corporate world, there is one thing that has remained constant: people hate providing negative feedback at work. I don’t care how educated or experienced you are, when faced with the prospect of delivering less-than-positive feedback most of us are about as comfortable as a wet cat.
If this resonates, welcome to being completely normal. In fact, your reptilian brain is doing exactly what it is designed to do — avoid pain and discomfort. But, because we are humans and are expected to manage teams, meet sales targets and co-exist in cubicle land (or in the Teams chat), we have to figure out how to rise above our animal instincts and learn how to engage in meaningful, constructive feedback. Ugh, being human is so hard sometimes.
Here are 4 tips for cultivating your constructive feedback skills:
- Seek Feedback. Ask your peers, your boss, your direct reports, your friends, your significant other…you get the drift. Start really asking for feedback. You may have to ask a few times before they will believe you really want it, but keep asking. Take the first step in opening the door for feedback and start to create a culture where it’s not so taboo. Plus, being on the receiving end of it helps you learn more about how you want (and don’t want) to deliver feedback yourself.
- Demonstrate Sincerity – Please forget that you ever heard of the sandwich technique (ya know, positive-negative-positive). That model is stale and can come off as insincere. Most people are reasonable and can handle a remarkable amount of feedback when they know you care about them. And how do you demonstrate that you care? Well, hopefully you are doing that on a regular basis by getting to know them, showing respect and gratitude etc. When it comes to that scary moment when you need to give feedback, simply tell them you care. Something like “I am giving you this feedback because I care about you and want you to succeed…” Yep, it really is that simple. Just be a freakin’ sincere human.
- Don’t Wait– Delivering negative feedback isn’t like a fine wine. It doesn’t get better with age. Give feedback as soon as possible. That way, you don’t have to toss and turn about it and the recipient of it will have more clarity about why the feedback is necessary. Whatever you do, don’t save it for the quarterly review or the monthly check-in. That’s not fair to anyone involved.
- Provide Feedback Often– The goal is to create a culture where giving and receiving feedback is the norm, not some scary monster lurking underneath your bed (or desk). As Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor, so wisely describes it: “Giving impromptu feedback is like brushing your teeth every day rather than getting a root canal. Don’t schedule it. Just do it consistently and immediately when it’s needed, and maybe you won’t ever have to get a root canal.” (Bonus 5th Tip: Read Radical Candor by Kim Scott)
I hope these tips were helpful. Don’t make it too heavy or complicated. One of the kindest things you can do for someone is to provide constructive feedback that will help them learn and succeed. You just might change someone’s life by being that brave soul who is willing to offer an honest critique.
Do you or members of your team need help in creating a culture of feedback? I offer group coaching and one-on-one sessions to help leaders develop more confidence. Let’s chat about how I can help you. Book a call with me here.
